Shepherdess

10 years ago

2012-01-31T06:18:00.008-05:00

I am 7 1/2 month along. Tonight, I will be feeling huge and wondering how much larger could I possibly get. After packing a lunch for my sweet husband before he leaves for work, I will chatter with a brother-in-law who 'just so happens' to have a nasty cold. While piecing together a baby blanket that I'm working on there is a sudden gush of liquid which surprises me, it is warm and smells familiar. It dawns on me that my water had just broken.

The Nyquil induced fogginess of my B-I-L is totally blasted away after mentioning that;
1. My waters have broken.
2. It is a blizzard out.
3. I can't contact John.

He stumbles to the his car which doesn't start, runs ( still blizzard conditions) to his grandparents and borrows their truck only making it to the end of our driveway, with towel between my legs and winds yanking on my billowing dress we slip and slide our way to the truck. Totally youtube worthy, lemme tell you.

We inch towards Canton, nearly missing a Stop sign and driving off the road, make it to the mill and John covered in feed dust and unable to hear the phone with ear plugs in. We all make it to the Canton Hospital where they check me in and put me on a IV drip of something awful to try and stop the contractions, to no avail. There is talk of transferring to Syracuse and due to the bad weather it is decided, Watertown is the best they can do. Through all of this, in my naivete, my thought was; 'wow, this is easy!'. The contractions were easy, the hospital staff was wonderful and I can vividly remember calling my mom and telling her that this whole labor stuff seemed pretty easy, whereupon she assured me that it might get a bit harder before we were done.

Now, I watched all of my brothers come into this world. Mom had three at home, one in the hospital just to see what it was like and the last at home. Labor started slowly but quickly sped up and by the time the midwife arrived my seventeen year old self was getting scared that I would be 'catching the baby'. I remember now why the broken water smelled familiar.

We labored, for a while. Somehow my eyes latched upon Feb. 2nd as being Groundhogs day and determined I was NOT having a baby born then. The lovely lady Dr., her name escapes me, was wonderful. She came in and checked me and gave the go ahead to push, this was missed by almost everyone ( including me), except my mother. Who, after about an hour of her daughter being told to blow through the urge to push was at her wits end. The nurse again encouraged me to blow through the next contraction and my mother flipped. Not a crazy, all out flip but one of the highlights of when I look back. The ironic thing is, that once the Dr. and nurses were all on the same page, I was given the go ahead and started to push. 'Ouch. I'll just blow through, thank you very much.' Thanks be to God for a husband who had been up for many, many hours looking me in the eye and saying, "you are almost done, you can do this". We did too, Eathon came to us at a little after 10pm, almost exactly 24 hours after this whole story started. Our scientist, doctor, inventor, dreamer and serious boy was born.

For two weeks he stayed in Watertown while I cried for wanting him in my arms. His lungs were in need of just a bit more time and we were SO blessed with some wonderful nurses who cared for him. As we left the hospital I looked around, waiting for the manual they were going to give us. Or, better yet the nurse who was going to come along and help us at home. This was the first time I was scared.

It continues to happen, regularly. What do we do about this, or that? To raise a child? into a man? 'Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.'Proverbs - Chapter 22:6 What happens when I'm still in training, when we feel ill prepared to teach? Our heavenly and gracious Lord teaches us. The only thing that has happened over the last 10 years is we learn to cling closer to this truth, to Him. That in ourselves, in our naivete, life is not easy. But, with Him, all is possible.

Flesh and Blood

2011-08-04T07:56:00.002-04:00

We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” (Ephesians 6:12)

Yesterday was an exhausting day, a day after such joy and encouragement. Unexplained problems that confuse and discourage me, until I am reminded by my husband, the shepherd that we wrestle not against flesh and blood. It makes sense, I say "Be gone, Satan" and the one on HIGH gives me strength. We are discouraged to encourage, but for a moment. Reminded of HIS sufficient grace and am again living on high, thank you Jesus!

Wednesday musings

2011-06-29T09:26:00.001-04:00

It is a cool day today, not even June and we feel Fall coming. I love Fall, maybe even more than Spring. The mud can get anyone down. However Fall is colorful leaves, candles, walks uninterrupted by pesky flies and a million other delights.

Today; we have laundry, dishes, lunch to do and time to relax. Does anyone else seem to have to make it a point to do so? To make time to let go...to just sit back and enjoy. Enjoyment is all the time, clean laundry, fresh brownies from the oven, kids smiling faces over dinner - sharing a joke only we know and so much more. Lots and lots of times though it seems that I am moving while doing this - serving lunch, handing out laundry to put away instead of just sitting a bit. It almost feels guilty. Why?

Things I'm thankful for;

Cool mornings
snuggles from boys
husbands whispered affections
pumpkin pie
early birds singing

Hospitality

2011-06-27T14:13:00.004-04:00

I write this because it has to go somewhere. This conviction, this pride must be purged. Being beaten over the head by a loving God, listening to others speak and share, watching it lived out in others lives - all the while stepping back and saying no. At least in my head. What hit today was what harm it is doing our own family. We are not your 'out there' kind of people. You will find us in the corners, hoping you don't see us. We wish you all the very best....as long as you stay, over there.

My home is not good enough, our yard not neat enough, my kids not polite enough. Not good, not good. I stop a second to wonder. Isn't that why I'm called precious child? Saved heir of grace? To what? Say, 'not good enough'? So is say NO to pride, lack of contentment - out you go, begone. These are the things that need purged. To say YES! Come over, share a meal, we have PLENTY and GOD blesses us with an abundance, the least we can do ( and just so happens to be something I LOVE to do) is eat and share. So watch out you Moms and Dad's I admire, the young ladies and gents that I know your face and pray for but keep you at arms length. God is at work....and I'm working on hospitality.

Months of stretching

2011-04-10T07:58:00.003-04:00

Been a bit since I last posted, amazing what lives we live and how they change. Sometimes bit by bit and others by leaps that hurt and are exhilarating all at the same time. I read this book recently and it seemed to be an answer to those nagging questions rolling around in my head. What is true happiness? Am I doing all I can for God, serving Him with everything I have? Why do I feel as though life sometimes slips through my fingers with missed opportunities?

Recently joy has been my word to go to, to live life with joy. This has worked well, until I get tired, till I feel like I'm the only one with joy and everyone else is just draining me till I'm a dry hollow shell. Then, well it can get ugly. The answer is not so easy to get to...and yet SO simple. Instead of trying to be joy for my husband, for my kids ( and it is amazing how my attitude influences everyone around me) I am to live fully, serve fully in this moment for HIM. When I crack, I am forgiven, by HIM. When I think, there is no more in me, it is remembered - HE gives all, it is not within my grasp to give anything, but HE gives all. Grace, Love, Joy. And I am filled up with His love.

God made testosterone.

2010-10-25T06:28:00.001-04:00

a friend ( you know who you are) saw a table full of guys and quipped, "that table is full of testosterone" and then wisely commented that was probably not edifying....but what is? Got me to thinking, there are so many put down comments when it comes to groups of ladies or gentleman, don't we want men to have testosterone? to be MEN? don't we want out ladies to get excited over newborn babies? I'm hoping for the day when a table full of testosterone is not a put down but something to be coveted, something to be held in high regard.

This was going to be FB status, until they told me it was too long....do they even realize it took be forever to put it together???

chilllllllyyyyyy

2010-09-15T14:25:00.002-04:00

today is chilly. Not cold, not frigid, just chilly. I'm putting in plea's every once in a while for the wood stove to be lit, but I can't complain as the cook stove IS going and we huddle around it in a warmth inducing stupor.

What I can do is go out and help cut and split some wood, which will do two things. One, it will clean up our hideous back yard/man area that is not suppose to be even looked upon by me for cleaning, flowers or anything outside man world. Two, it will get these jiggly thighs and butt in gear to burn a few precious calories and....make me all warm!

9th Anniversary

2010-09-10T10:26:00.004-04:00

Today is our 9th year of being married, 10 years to the day when we went on our first very nervous and very long date ( it was over 9 hours...) I think we both knew from the first that we had a very similar drive, interests and all those pleasantries that make a marriage more amiable, but. What attracted me most to my husband was that he was a man bought by God, created by God and submitted to God.

For our special day....we are doing what we love to do! Taking care of our kids, our animals, checking in with our Amish neighbor, ordering potatoes for this winter and relaxing early. We both could not decide on anything more special than this.

Each year finds us closer, we ride the heady heights and crash to the valleys where we need Him to remind us why we are married and to whom, a sinner.

Today at 2am this morning I was foggily awakened ( really anyone seeing me this early in the morning know that you can have an entire conversation with me in which I will nod, give answers, everything - all the while still asleep!) to a very tight hug and a whispered " I love you"

Being Sick

2010-06-15T08:26:00.002-04:00

June has been a month to forget so far. Strep throat has been plaguing me for 2 weeks now. On a ranch that already has more work than two people can do, John was also doing cooking duty, shopping, running, taking care of the boys, and on and on ( He is an amazing man). In this I ask "Why me, Lord?" It is at that point of fatigue, pain, lack of sleep that the MAKER is known sometimes more than ever. That point of reaching out and then realizing, HE is there and has been helping you all along.... "Why me" becomes "I am so grateful for your presence"

Which, I AM!

Alberta, Canada

2010-04-17T18:12:00.003-04:00

Alberta, never really saw myself going there. It's not usually very high on anyones list of places to go, however it is a hidden gem. My lovely husband said; "Go on, you'll never have any peace if you don't go! " What a gem he is, really. So, off I went. All. By. Myself.

Spruce View Farms is a groups of farmers who contacted us to see if we would come out and help with setting up a Meat CSA. We had a blast, visited Banff, saw the Rockies, went to the focus group where people came despite a spring snow storm and were overwhelmingly enthusiastic about supporting local ranches and eating better. It is so encouraging to see farmers, ranchers, gardeners, etc. get really excited about what they do! The ability to know there farmer, ( not in the Biblical sense) to feel connected to the land and have a voice in how it is cared for.

Ok, done with my rant. It was just great to watch something come to life.

The March of Spring

2010-03-18T12:11:00.004-04:00

Usually I'm waiting for spring, longing for spring, feeling dried out from the wood heat and tired of gray or white being the predominant colors. This year, spring has "sprung" upon me and while I was out packing boxes it came to me. Spring is here.

Warm weather and fewer clothes are all benefits, however the biggest enjoyment is the coming of new babies. Lambs and calves are dotting the brownish-greenish pastures and very soon, within a week or two we should have piglets!

Both boys now are outside helping their Daddy to fill the bees feeder with Honey. We have been more than a little confused with this bunch of bees. They swarmed twice during the summer and then we recently thought they had died during the winter. However....there are bees out and looking for the tasty treats of summer ahead.

Lots of boxes, filled with......meat?

2010-03-01T19:26:00.004-05:00

Yes, lots and lots of meat. Lamb meat, beef meat, pig meat. In all we shipped out 100 boxes. Yes. 100.

That equates to over 3000 pounds of meat, or 1 and 1/2 ton. Thats right. We are sore but jubilant. We have come a long, long way from being overjoyed about shipping out 1 or 2 boxes a week. Not that we are still not overjoyed, we are just really, really blessed.

Victories

2010-02-25T07:43:00.000-05:00

Victories! Yes, there has been some very big victories for the family. Prayers answered, the power of GOD shown through in amazing ways. A little (ok not so little) boy who is growing into not only manhood but servanthood. Who's joy is abundant, who humbles this woman with what he has come through and what he will continue to lay at God's feet in the coming years.

The attack is not over, certainly. But who can come between us and our LORD!

Cleaning

2010-02-05T19:29:00.001-05:00

Woke up this morning at 4am to wash the kitchen floor. It's been needing it in a bad way, so she got first priority this morning. How nice it is to have a nice clean floor, never mind the cobwebs, check out the floor!

Was so proud of my cleaning I mentioned to Eathon, "look at the floor", and you know what? He said it " look the same as always." Just goes to show you Mom's....a clean house is not on the top of any kids list.

Directly after cleaning up after lunch a set of newborn lambs were brought in by sweetie - not looking so pert. In fact they looked dead. Heads were hanging, no sound, just awful. Well sinks were cleared, hot water run and two lambs were inserted for a hot water bath. Within about 15 minutes they were baaaing for their mom and in a half hour had recovered the temps to just about normal. We took them out, wrung them off ( how much can you wring a 8 lbs sopping wet, wool covered, kicking lamb?) and fluff dried them.

I headed outside to resume the packing of boxes that was suppose to happen and hour ago and the boys were 'in charge' of the two lambs who have been christened "Whitey" & "Pepper".

A half hour later, I pop in to see "Pepper" is doing much better, trying to nurse the tablecloth off the table and well, the clean floor is - peppa ed!

Keeping busy

2010-01-25T13:18:00.000-05:00

A birthday party...for one magnificent boy named Eathon who turns 8 on Feb. 1st. What a party, all of the family was over to celebrate the boy who is so quickly turning into a man. Lots of help, thank goodness as my plans of having our bedroom, the boys bedroom, livingroom and bathroom stripped, painted and put back to together did oh so NOT come together. Our bedroom is done, bathroom is stripped and our office was re-arranged. Ahh the difference between our will and His!

A New Day

2010-01-20T10:35:00.000-05:00

I leave behind tomorrow, very happily. It was a time of loosing my temper, loosing my cool, getting frustrated with those who I love the most ( that's really a great way to show the love...). So a new day has begun, with it all of the trials that we meet and with God's grace and strength overcome.

And that is what I keep reminding myself over and over....

First time for everything

2010-01-19T17:48:00.001-05:00

I am a serial blog reader...but never post anything or share back. What I have learned, laughed and enjoyed from others will hopefully be payed forward here. That is it for now, have to go live life.