Gritty

It is dirtier, even kind of gritty in the way baked in, rubbed down grime gets into things. There are smudge marks on our windows, cobwebs in corners, kids clothes are hung precariously on a hook. Sometimes the fact that they are hung and not on the floor is a victory.
 

I remarked to her. "Everything is messier than I imagined it would be". She looks around and agrees. We sip coffee, listening to kids holler, laugh and race somewhere, to be somewhere fast. When we were younger, she and I, we would have been sweeping the floor, bemoaning the laundry that really should be switched to the dryer, but certainly not sitting.

Life is grittier and richer than I possibly imagined.

I figured that with every passing day, my heart & home would be cleaner, our children neater and better behaved, my husband even more loving and clever, not to mention all those little niggling gritty details about myself that I just imagined would disappear. All and none of these are true.

Instead, I ponder the time passing, ever more swiftly. My insubstantial premie baby boy is now a strapping young man that almost looks me in the eye and prefers to be called young man. Best boy #2 also now prefers to be called young man, though he is unafraid to still snuggle with me. Our time with them is fleeting, crumbs will be gone, laundry a thing of the past. What grittiness of heart, what steadfast path do they see me walking? Life may be messier, but when sitting to read, to explain, to listen.....those moments reveal to me a true and lasting Glory.

Stories

What is a testimony? Your story.  That's it.

Some people love to tell their story. Others find it more than just a little difficult.

Much like a love story, it needs telling.

Credit - Stories We Tell

Lots of people know the story about the man who had a bunch of demons in him. Jesus sent them out into a herd of pigs. This guy must have been filthy, naked and living in tombs. The demons knew exactly who 'this guy' was and were, rightly, afraid. After having the demons removed, this man was ecstatic, wanted to follow Jesus. Who wouldn't? However, Jesus sent him back, back to the Gadarenes. They were the people who also asked or rather begged Jesus to leave. Isn't is just a teensy bit strange? You have this A-mazing guy who heals and you say, 'Yeah, leave as soon as possible, if not sooner'. What were they afraid of? You can surmise a bunch, the text doesn't say. What little bit that is often lost is the ending of that story.

                   

Here is the best part. Jesus came back later. After the freed man had told his story, probably quite a few times. C'mon he had to have been so excited to be free, back to a normal, functioning man. Quite grateful, I would imagine, at the grace of being saved. When Jesus came back, the Gadarenes were ready to listen. They were excited to listen, even waiting for Him to come back.  (Luke 8:26-40)

That my friend is why it is important to tell you story. No matter how simple or how awful the story is, its yours. It is your very own story of grace bestowed and shared with a grateful heart.

With that said....I'm planning on sharing my own soon!

Wrestling

   Being self-employed brings with it benefits and difficulties. On top of this, we deal with the public, its sin soaked masses. Then of course, there is me. Being saved can sometimes lead one to think self-righteously of your actions only to be slapped in the face with your sins.

   I've wrestled this week, not with boxes 'disappearing' from FedEx drivers hands, not with customers who rant at me "I've had a really rough weekend, and if you don't get this meat to me I'm going to just go home and cry", not with a dwindling bank account and many, many bills looming. Not with decisions that need to be made sooner, rather than later, not with sick planners who still haven't finished the building plans.

   For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12 

  I do wrestle too. My sin nature springs alive in vindictiveness, bitterness and all that is so ugly. Everything in me festers. Yet, we have hope.

                                               

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in evil days, and having done all, to stand.   Ephesians 6:13

   It reveals my sin soaked self. So despicable, even to myself. It reveals, again, my immense need of a Savior.

And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: 
                                                                                                                              Ephesians 6:17

   Today was rough, wrestling can be tiresome, dealing with personal sin even more so. However, I feel clean, refreshed from repentance ready to what is right and that all of this will be through Jesus Christ, my Savior who strengthens me.



  

   

Holes

Watching Holes with the boys, playing Bejeweled against my hubby ( he is currently winning, boo), relaxing, being thankful for a healthy family.

Started out late today...can I tell you how much I hate being late? Had 25 local deliveries for meat orders, usually like to be out by about 5am....didn't get on the road until 7am. My send off words to my lovely husband? I have nothing planned for lunch. Yup. Despite that, it was a really great day. Deliveries were made, the men put bales of hay out for the beef and sheep. Groceries were purchased, 100's of pounds of meat was put away in the freezer, baked potatoes, pan fried steak and salad was put on for us by the amazing hubby.

Looking forward to tomorrow. To sit, to rest ( it has been a while), and to praise our Lord for all that He gives us. It is all good.

Hmmmm.....

Tis been a while! Time passes ever more swiftly for us as winter transitions into spring. A building going up, a telehandler being purchased, chickens sheds to be prepared, children instructed in not only the three R's but grace, love and steadfastness. All would be nothing without God's hand, guiding, reassuring and holding back from foolish roads. Yes, even those.

"He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:8

 This is our family verse, it hangs on the wall to remind us. Not in our own strength but in His do we produce fruit, even when you can't see the water.

In other news, the boys are enjoying Mr. Bean from youtube. School days are flying by and we are ALL affected by laziness! The mid-week slump leaves me wanting to play a game/peruse FB/some other equally not productive 'busy' activity. So while I'm looking on others asking why subjects are not done, asking husband if he will do this or that, I'm SO guilty of thinking "can't we just take the rest of the day off?"

Eating has been a focus, the foods we eat, how much, and what kinds. Crazy, crazy ingredients are found in the strangest of places. Even more strange? Raw, unprocessed, freshly made tastes SO MUCH better. Everyone keeps saying how much all of our meals are more filling and have more flavor. Take a gaze around your cupboard and see how much high fructose syrup, aspartame or sugar of any kind is in your foods. It makes you crave more, and more. Then only more. We make a lot of homemade food but were pretty shocked at how much we cut out. Even better? We don't miss it.

We also don't miss the extra pounds that have disappeared.

I'm starving....

For news. Did I mention that we are also fasting from FB? We are, yup, yup, yup. I've never gotten so much done...... yes, I'm missing the news, the tid-bits but really? Is it earth shattering, heart changing, edifying ( only sometimes) stuff that I'm missing out on? Or if I added up all the minutes it would totally make.me.cringe.  Moments are being gained, moments to listen fully, moments to ponder with out distraction, moments of reading books, like my newest one favorite 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess. Check out the video below. She's funny, honest and I like getting deep with simple things.  "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." Luke 16:10

Day 2

Its winter and cold. -10 to -15F cold, not including our beloved wind (chill). How is one to include exercise into their routine I ask? Well, a few months ago we were recommended by a customer to try yoga for some back pain we both have had. Wow! Awesome results. From hands that were totally asleep in the morning and a back that literally wakes me up from aching so badly to, well, much better mornings. and days. and nights. Tara Stiles does GREAT YouTube videos, I'm cheap so this works.

My husband said he was starved yesterday. And, its my fault. I'm using MyFitnessPal to track calories and exercise. Yesterday ( I'm totally blaming chocolate levels bottoming out on my mistake) egg was added 3 times instead of one. Woops!  We didn't die. Actually, this is encouraging as what we ate yesterday was good! Never was stuffed and the feeling of hunger reappeared, yay! You appreciate food SO much more now. Which brings me to really  thank God for the food we eat, instead of rushing through the prayer. It really means more. Funny that. Taking away 'more' leads to being thankful for 'less'.

100 Pound Loser

Another weight loss book, right? Same tired dogma, eat less and exercise more.  How many times have I heard this and then tucked into a (big) bowl of chocolate ice cream sure that it must work for others, not me though. I'm tired though of feeling guilty about this body, it is a temple for something very important. 12 years ago, I prayed through tears to Jesus, please,  save me.  Recently, two very special people prayed for the scars of my heart to be healed,  to know how much God loves me. Right now, as I am.

       
Last night I read 100 Pound Loser by Jessica Heights, it is not long, or really astounding. What clicked with me is how she spoke to the very depths of my heart. 10 years ago my primary reason for losing weight was so that guys would look at me. Any guy, I wasn't super particular. My high, or rush came from their approval of my looks. This is SO hard to admit now. What burrows away at my heart now is my time here is finite and the witness that I give can be obstructed by my gluttony. Yes, awful word. Such painful imagery and yet so humbling. How can not go and share the my testimony with others? Today, we ( yes, my super husband is joining me)  have started to rein in unruly eating habits. My goal is 10 lbs a month until my body says it is fit, toned and happy. The Holy Spirit cries out within me to speak out and up.  There is a joy within me that just HAS to come out! My God is an amazing Redeemer.